What not to do on a night out.

When in a nightclub, there are certain things that you shouldn't really do. Obviously due to the varying degrees of inebriation that you'll undoubtedly be experiencing, you can't always control your actions. I know that trying to tell young people to watch how much they drink is completely pointless. I, myself have always ignored these warnings from others and I'm always that guy who's more drunk than everyone else. So unfortunatly, I've done everything on my list of "what not to do's" and so much more. In my opinion, the worst thing about a night out is waking up the next morning and regretting everything you did the night before. I always worry that I've done or said something to offend someone and usually spend my hangover completely paranoid.

Every good night on the lash starts with a pre-drinking session. It's always a good idea to ply yourself with a bit of cheap booze before you hit the clubs. It'll loosen your inhibitions and save you some money, especially if you're going to a club that charges about a fiver for a vodka and Rebull. If you over do the pre-drinking though, you'll arrive at the club already more drunk than everyone else and you'll look like a dickhead. Especially if it's early.

When you do reach the club, don't try and befriend the bouncers. Thousands of people pass through the doors every week and loads of them think they're hilarious. They won't jump at the chance to be your friend, they'll only scoff at you and check your ID extra hard. If they think that you're too drunk to get in, you're not going to. So keep your mouth shut and don't avoid their eyes, it looks suspicious.

Upon entry, don't complain about the price of entry. Nothing says 'poor tramp' than attempting to haggle on the door. You knew that you were going to have to pay entry and you also know that nightclubs try and get money out of you at every turn. Most clubs have their entry prices on their website or on their Facebook page, so don't go unprepared.

So you're in and you want a drink. Like the doormen, the majority of bar staff have no interest in being your friend. They're not going to give you free drinks so don't even bother. They're told to be nice to you so you haven't made a friend for life, you've just encountered someone who's hoping for a tip. Don't try and be funny either, they're rushed off their feet and stressed, pretending to laugh won't help.

Now that you're drunk and your inhibitions are out the window, you're going to be chatting to people. It's not a good idea to go up to someone and say "excuse me, you are so beautiful". It's flattering at first, but when it turns into a fifteen minute ramble - you look like a creep. Equally, don't do the "I wish I looked like your boyfriend" routine. When you're talking to someone in a club, don't suddenly shout at them to add you on Facebook and when they agree to, don't then make them do it in front of you. Not only will you look like a weirdo, you'll also have randomers that you don't remember sending you friend requests.

It seems obvious, but don't leave your stuff lying around. You can't trust anyone and they're not going to hand your property into lost and found. The other club-goers are complete strangers to you and you don't know what they're capable of. If a stranger comes up to you and pushes a drink on you, don't drink it unless you saw them buy it. I've had my drink spiked before and to be honest, it was a trip to A & E that I could've done without.

People's tolerance of annoying people goes down as the alcohol levels go up, so stay away from controversial subjects. You may think that the BNP are the way forward, but it's not cool to mention that now. Crying is also so annoying when you're tyring to have a good time, so if you're a cryer in particular, then you need to be careful about how much you drink. For smokers, cigarettes are like currency, so either buy your own - or don't smoke. It's so annoying when people you don't know ask you for a fag.

If you get separated from your group of friends, it's unnecessary to go from group to group describing their outfits, faces and hairstyles. The chances are that nobody has seen them and even if they had, they're unlikely to still be in the same place. Often on nights out, you end up kissing someone (at least), nothing will ruin your night more than getting off with a minger. It sounds horrible, but you have to make sure that they're attractive enough to smooch or you're definatly going to regret it!

Make sure you keep hold of you cloak room ticket. When it comes to the end of your night and you want your coat back, they can't give it to you unless you have your ticket. You can try and negotiate this all you want, but it's not going to get you anywhere. You'll have to wait until the club closes and everyone else gets their coats or else call them the next morning, which is complete hassle.

Keep all these in mind and hopefully you'll have a great night that you won't forget or regret.

sexy right?